Breath Me
by LostInTheLibrary
Summary: Hermione's thoughts in Deathly Hallows when Ron leaves. Songfic Breath Me by Sia the song was haunting me


Gone.

He's just gone. How could he walk out? How could he leave with me shouting at him, begging, pleading with him? How could he leave me?

I thought we were finally getting somewhere. I thought he felt the same way, but he can't if he'd just leave. This isn't exactly what I thought would happen either but it's not like we can leave Harry to do this alone, it's always been us three. But obviously not anymore. I never thought he would leave. It just wasn't there as even a thought. It never occurred to me as on option. But he's still gone and I'm still here. And the tears won't stop. I want him back, to be back when we were happy and he'd make me laugh. Or even one of the bad times when he would protect me, but now he's gone and he can't help us. He won't help us. He had a choose and he's chosen wrong. How could he? He's breaking my heart, he's betrayed us by taking the easy way out. And the same word swarms around my mind. It's like a fly that is stuck in a room with the windows shut. How? How? How?

_Help, I have done it again__  
__I have been here many times before__  
__Hurt myself again today__  
__And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame_

The weather echoes my mood, it's constantly drizzling like my eyes. It's just wrong without him. The days blur and mix and one falls into another without either of us noticing. I'm living the days for the nights where I can dream but as soon as I fall asleep I'm reliving that day and all I want is to wake up. I want this to have been a horrible nightmare and I wake up and he's still here, a little grumpy but here, taking my hand and whispering it was only a dream. I'd go back in a heartbeat to the crank times we shared in the tent with little food and squabbles. Anything would be better than the silence that not fills the tent. I know I'm creating the tension but I can't seem to care enough to make things more liveable. I need the misery to prove that it was better with him. It would be infinitely worse if it was better without him.

_Be my friend__  
__Hold me, wrap me up__  
__Unfold me__  
__I am small__  
__I'm needy__  
__Warm me up__  
__And breathe me_

Harry is my best friend but he's not Ron. I feel safe in a weird confusing way. I've known for a long while that it's more than friendship I want with Ron but he doesn't seem interested and now he's just left.

How could he be so stupid. How could I? For thinking he cared. He doesn't care, he's not tried to come back. It's like we don't fit without Ron. It's like a sandwich without mayonnaise. And although that's an easy concept and I'm intelligent I can't grasp this concept. Everything is so different. It's so much harder. Even with harry it's like I'm all alone. I don't want harry to see how upset I am but I think he can tell because I can't seem to focus on anything and my secret tears don't seem to be so hidden. My temper flares up for no reason. One minute my heart's crumbling to powder because how would he just walk away from me when I'm sobbing at him. Then I'm so angry that he could even have this odd power over me. No one had the right to make me feel like that and I'm mad and want to hit something but before I know it I've dropped and it's like he's just left me torn and tattered on the floor in the rain because how could he not know how I feel or maybe he just feels differently about me. Everything I think I end up second guess. He's taken my confidence with him and it just it's right.

_Ouch I have lost myself again__  
__Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,__  
__Yeah I think that I might break__  
__I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe__  
_

But most of the time all I feel is that I want him back. I want him to look after me and laugh with and even at me. To talk to him. I miss him all the time. It's a never leaving ache and sometimes it throbs and it's like my heart is leaking.

_Be my friend__  
__Hold me, wrap me up__  
__Unfold me__  
__I am small__  
__I'm needy__  
__Warm me up__  
__And breathe me_

I think I could forgive him ...

If he came back ...

eventually.

_Be my friend__  
__Hold me, wrap me up__  
__Unfold me__  
__I am small__  
__I'm needy__  
__Warm me up__  
__And breathe me_

* * *

_Song is Breath me by Sia. Review if you'd like ^_^_


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